Need help dealing with transgender feelings using a bio-energetic aproach
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@orgon As nice of an idea as that sounds I think lobotomize-me is likely right, I think getting a gf and telling her that would just weird her out and cause her to leave
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@basebolt "Men are hardwired to express anger and horniness. Other emotions are unusual and awkward coming from a man and signal that you are deeply disturbed / something is deeply wrong such as clinical depression or other illness or major hormone inbalance or mental instability or mental breakdown or poisoning or hypothyroidism."
I hate this, this is one of my main issues I have with being male. I used to have more emotions that I could express in a healthy way when I was a kid. I feel like every man is partly sedated and blocked off from his emotions by androgens. Steroid users report the same thing basically only being able to be angry to an even greater degree. Male puberty turned me into an otherwise emotionless angry robot.
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@Cytomeldevourer What is your PQ-9 questionnaire score? Maybe a big issue to tackle is moderate clinical depression and this questionnaire will help assess this.
Joe Hudson, an elite psychologist, has videos online that poor mood is related to a. repressed anger or sometimes repressed sadness. b. negative self-talk c. nervous system constantly active d. lack of community, feelings of disconnected.
or a medical issue.
Alexithymia, a common trait in men associated with inability to identify your emotions, could be going on. Maybe try and figure out all the things bothering you and express these emotions at God.
Develop positive self-talk self-worth.
Enjoy the deep pleasure of everyday things. Everything.
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@basebolt I scored 20 while taking it. Said 20 or over is indicative of severe depression.
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@Cytomeldevourer Well, it's good to know. Sometime people can be very depressed without realizing it, as it can come on slowly. Get your circadian rhythm in check. Attempt twenty pushups and squats daily.
Doctors usually test for thyroid and iron deficiency and enemia and b12 deficiency I think. Standard bloodwork too.
Peatsphere recomends TSH, T4, T3. Free T4 and free T3 may not matter too much according to Peat if remembering correctly. Even if labs are good, T3 therapy can yield very positive results with depression, including treatment resistant.
There are many iron tests, the main one is serum ferritin, but isn't perfect as inflammation can artificially raise it such as a workout the day before testing.
As for B12, there is controversy about the correct way to test it. May be best to just take some. I've got five pages of notes on B12 therapy. The summary is this.
Cyanocobalamin is extremely safe and the cheapest. People routinely inject milligrams of it. Injections are expensive and probably unnecessary because you can safely take massive doses of cyanocobalamin orally. 500 mg, about 1/16 of a teaspoon of powder, is good to try for a week or two. This will ensure you raise brain levels in order to see if it corrects something. SloWLy build to that dose over a few days, testing it out. Try holding in mouth before swallowing. No longer than two weeks because that is unnecessary risk. You will know if were deficient quicky, I think. More than 500 mg starts becoming concerning and is really not necessary. The major thing to look out for is low blood pressure and hypokalemia which can be fatal but there isn't much evidence for that and just in case drink some orange juice or milk with the B12 to keep potassium level good. Bulk Suppements brand cyano is probably good purity according to some reports. The methylcobalamin form of B12 can theoretically hurt your epigenome according to a theory put forward by Travis on RPF. There are other concerns about it. Folinic acid, not folic acid, synergizes very well with B12 in the body, this is very clear based on many studies and high quality anecdotes. Same strategy as B12, a short week or two trial of a tolerable high dose. 15 mg a day probably is good. Higher is okay. You can buy liquid drops of folinic acid for getting high doses. Taking any amount longterm can become problematic due to theoretical hyperexcitability, Peat's concerns about impurities, and a theory put forward by Chris Masterjohn PhD on folates and folate balance.
Lithium can have anti-suicidal properties. This is very important. Sometimes an antidepressant increases energy and the person ends up k*lling themselves. Important to know. 0.1 mg to 1 mg of any of the forms. 6 mg lithium chloride is 1 mg elemental lithium. The mineral at this dose occurs naturally in spring waters around the globe.
Do you have pen and paper around? Grab it. Sit and think. Write down twenty reasons to be hopeful.
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@Cytomeldevourer What's your diet like? Do you have regular bowel movements? Do you take any drugs or supplements?
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@basebolt Do you really believe men feeling anything other than anger or horniness is indicative of a healthy male?
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@basebolt as i said before, progesterone is a good way to feminize someone physically and mentally. instead of that i will reommend
@Cytomeldevourer said in Need help dealing with transgender feelings using a bio-energetic aproach:
I feel like every man is partly sedated and blocked off from his emotions by androgens
Androgens don't block off emotions high stress hormones does (i have been in the same spot as you, i thought the same thing up until recently when i fixed a lot of metal toxicity and other stuff). Androgens cause novelty seeking and playful behavior
@Cytomeldevourer said in Need help dealing with transgender feelings using a bio-energetic aproach:
Steroid users report the same thing basically only being able to be angry to an even greater degree. Male puberty turned me into an otherwise emotionless angry robot.
this happens because they are also extremely high on estrogen a stress hormone and probably some other
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@Cytomeldevourer the most beutiful faces bodies/faces are extremly close to androgynous (50/50 masculine feminine) for men and females.
@Cytomeldevourer said in Need help dealing with transgender feelings using a bio-energetic aproach:
. I find the male body frankly disgusting in nearly every way.
i believe this is a exaggeration, but it is normal as you should biologically be attracted to females not males. but as i said before, the most attractive humans are borderline on both genders. for example, a extremely masculine guy like jason mamoa which wants to be more attractive will opt to have long hair which is feminine etc.
@Cytomeldevourer said in Need help dealing with transgender feelings using a bio-energetic aproach:
I also envy their ability to be social and not be punished for expressing their feelings and the fact there is more socially acceptable personality types among women than men. If I were female I would not be seen as an anti social freak like I am now. As for anxiety, yes that is a major issue for me.
Females are often in constant hypomanic cycles due to estrogen, so anxiety and social isolation got normalized, as well as extreme extroversion.
Males have higher dht and testosterone in general so it is assumed from them to have enough self confidence to have a stable frame.
but in the last decades we are being constantly fed cattle hormones plant hormones, metals etc . Which raised men's estrogen, lowered their testosterone and raised their estrogen. Which caused men to act more like women think like women and appreciate woman more as inside their hormone profile is of a woman although on the outside they are men
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@Cytomeldevourer said in Need help dealing with transgender feelings using a bio-energetic aproach:
I scored 20 while taking it. Said 20 or over is indicative of severe depression.
I, too, have experienced severe depression--so severe that I had frequent suicidal thoughts.
What kept me alive was knowing what I value, what I want in life, and believing that it’s possible to experience a better life than the hell I was experiencing at the time.
And I’m glad I’m alive; life--even in circumstances that seem worse than normal--can be very beautiful.
So, I suggest you figure out what your values are and what you want in life--not just what you want to avoid or get rid of, but what brings you joy.
@Cytomeldevourer said in Need help dealing with transgender feelings using a bio-energetic aproach:
jealousy of women for not having to be in my predicament
All of us, including both males and females, have our own problems. We can’t say for certain whose problems are more difficult.
Someone else’s problems may seem easier than your problems, but the other person might be less well equipped to handle those problems than you are, and therefore they are harder for them than they are for you.
In actuality, their problems might be even worse for them than your problems for you. You don’t know, and neither do I or anyone else.
And if your problem is more difficult, then it means that you have a greater opportunity. The more difficult the challenge, the greater the power gained from overcoming it.
Suffering, turned into a challenge to learn and grow from, becomes a blessing.
Even if this isn't true, you won't have much to lose from adopting this kind of mindset. But if it's true, you have a lot to gain.
By the way...
@Cytomeldevourer said in Need help dealing with transgender feelings using a bio-energetic aproach:
I also envy their ability to be social and not be punished for expressing their feelings and the fact there is more socially acceptable personality types among women than men. If I were female I would not be seen as an anti social freak like I am now.
...women get punished for expressing their feelings too, and there are also female anti-social freaks.
@Cytomeldevourer said in Need help dealing with transgender feelings using a bio-energetic aproach:
I am jealous of multiple things. . . . Puberty was very traumatic for me . . . I find the male body frankly disgusting in nearly every way.
You described your puberty as traumatic. Perhaps you need to look more deeply, and clearly, into it. What was it you experienced? What made it traumatic? And how did that influence how you view yourself and the world? There are many more questions that can be asked.
I am not asking you to describe them for anyone here on the forum. They are for you to think about.
No one else but you have experienced all of your experiences and, as the saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand words.
A single, infinitely tiny slice of your life is even more than a picture--in addition to sight, it includes all of your other senses as well as your entire internal world in that moment of time.
All the moments in your life provide context that help to understand and make decisions.
When you see clearly, without distortion, what caused your current problems, the problems start to lose power over you and you’ll be better able to deal with them.
To see clearly you will need to be completely honest with yourself--acknowledge everything, no matter how ugly it is. Only by first acknowledging the issue can you start consciously working with it.
Self-honesty is a necessity--if you want the highest degree of freedom and joy, that is. And for some, it might be necessary even just to experience a decent life.
How could anyone expect to live well when they lack awareness of themselves, of what drives their actions, what triggers their emotions and why, and what it is that they actually want instead of just being conditioned to seek by other people?
@NoeticJuice said in Need help dealing with transgender feelings using a bio-energetic aproach:
So, I suggest you figure out what your values are and what you want in life--not just what you want to avoid or get rid of, but what brings you joy.
Once you’re clear on what direction you truly want for your life--which also requires self-honesty--your mind, and consequently your life, will begin the process of restructuring, of aligning with your vision.
Something else you can already start doing is breaking habits, even in small ways, like changing the order in which you put on your clothes.
Breaking habits makes the mind more flexible, and that flexibility allows you to change your view of the world and of yourself.
Trying completely new things is also a form of habit breaking, and it can help you find things that you enjoy.
Maybe if you try DHT, your problem will disappear. Or maybe you try some other substance and your problem disappears. That is fine.
You can attempt to fix it through a chemical approach first if you want, then return here if nothing else works.
The result, however, might not be the same.
Even though one thing came really close to doing so, no substance cured my OCD completely. I feel that this was a good thing. I gained a realization that I might not have otherwise gained, and I feel that it made me stronger.
The chemical approach and the one I’ve written about in this post can be combined. It would require some knowledge and awareness to know when to focus more on one or the other.
What I’ve written about in this post can be applied to much more than just your current challenge.
@basebolt said in Need help dealing with transgender feelings using a bio-energetic aproach:
Yep. Men are hardwired to express anger and horniness. Other emotions are unusual and awkward coming from a man
@Cytomeldevourer said in Need help dealing with transgender feelings using a bio-energetic aproach:
I hate this, this is one of my main issues I have with being male. I used to have more emotions that I could express in a healthy way when I was a kid. . . . Male puberty turned me into an otherwise emotionless angry robot.
I am male too, and I also used to be emotionless.
It’s possible for men to feel and express what they feel without issues.
I decided to write this post because I care about you, @Cytomeldevourer.
If you are curious and want to read more, you can explore this post and the links within it:
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@gg12 said in OCD, ADD, Fatigue:
Even if you can't feel self-compassion right away, once you understand its importance, you can still choose to act as if you do.
One day you might notice that you've begun to feel it too.
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are your balls hot often / do you have a varicocele?
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@lobotomize-me No to both of those
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@NoeticJuice When I say it was traumatic I mean in the later stages of puberty it felt like my body was being ruined. I don't like having lots of body hair I find it makes me look gross and dirty and it grows back too fast to shave it regularly without going through tons of razors. My skin is rough, my brow ridge is very prominent, ect. I miss having a small frame and soft skin like I did when I was younger. Also although I do not believe I'm balding as it hasn't progressed for several years my hairline did recede somewhat.
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@Cytomeldevourer seems more like nostalgia if your young feminine self. Do you find it hot or a turn on to imagine yourself as a transgender or do you just want and feel like it will fit you better?
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@lobotomize-me I used to when I was a young teen but since quitting porn not anymore. I was very disappointed when I realized it wasn't just AGP as that would have been easy to fix. I mostly just think I would feel more comfortable in a more feminine body and people probably would be more trusting of me and I would come off as less creepy and weird. I frankly find masculine men repulsive. I remember since I was young not wanting to look like my dad even though that was inevitable given he's my father and I have half his genes.
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@Cytomeldevourer . 1. It's very common for people to look completely different from their parents.
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It's normal for a guy to not be attracted to masculine men.
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It seems like you're trying to fit in, and you believe the only way to do that is by becoming a woman.
Regarding the part of your message about not liking your masculine body: I think this might be because you never had a masculine father figure (i get this assumption because you mentioned you never wanted to look like your father) . Perhaps you saw your mother receive certain benefits and expected the same for yourself. When society didn't grant you those benefits because you are male, you became distraught with your situation.
Is your mother a social gal. Did you see her socialise often?
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@lobotomize-me I never wanted to look my father because he was so masculine looking. Like borderline neanderthal. I don't look quite as masculine as him but pretty close. I'm sure as I get older this will continue. My dad wasn't a great father figure but I didn't like my mom much either tbh. As for her being social I guess but not much more than my father or anyone else in my family. Never really clinged especially to her either. By the time I was a teenager I disliked them both although I disliked my dad more because he would often make fun of me and was easily made angry by small things. Most of my jealousy towards women I would say happened by seeing them in school and also how much nicer my sister was treated by my parents.
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@Cytomeldevourer You said puberty was traumatic because your body was being "ruined." This isn't gender dysphoria in the way you think it is. This is a trauma response.
You associated masculinity with a negative stimulus: your father who was "easily made angry" and "made fun of you." You saw him as a "neanderthal." So when your own body started developing these same traits (hair, rough skin, brow ridge), your nervous system interpreted it as a threat, as you becoming the thing that hurt you.
The jealousy of women is a logical consequence of this.You saw your sister get "nicer" treatment. Your subconscious mind made a simple calculation: masculine = pain, anger, ridicule. feminine = safety, kindness, social acceptance.
It's a survival mechanism, not an innate identity. You want to be a woman because you think it's the only way to be safe and accepted, and to escape the body that reminds you of your father.
Your PHQ-9 score of 20 (severe depression). That level of depression is a high-stress state that reinforces all these negative feedback loops.
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@lobotomize-me Why would this still be effecting me today though? I admittedly forgot to mention that my relationship with my father has been mostly fixed at this point in time. Shouldn't it be over and the stress response corrected?
