How to do self initiation ritual for retards
-
Amongst the uninitiated magical ritual is a fertile field for cribbing. A lot of your spiritual and magical development can blossom from ritual work. I will concise what I believe to be the perennial spirit of all magical rituals for the last 3000 years into a few simple steps for you.
Let us initiate a magic Circle, unleash the Gates of the Circle, evoke the Powers, and banish the Powers with authority.
What is the point of the circle? It represents eternity, or endless chaos, where order is formed. It is not dissimilar to the abiogenesis of our celestial apparitions, ordered from the slime of the Cosmos.
Preparation for the creation of this circle is of the utmost importance. In the words of the Ayurvedic Astrologer and distinguished Thelemite Yogi Berra, "If you don't know where you are going, you'll end up someplace else." You want to end up where you intend during this ritual, and so you will prepare your mind and body up to 24 hours beforehand. Learning what works best for the individual magical practitioner can vary from initiate to initiate, but I recommend using ginger, cumin seeds, cayenne pepper, cardamom, and some lakadong turmeric powder in 16 ounces of water to be sipped throughout the day before your invocation. There are numerous other ways to prepare your body, but I won't get into them for now.
Your attitude will dictate your results within the circle. Laughing and giggling? If you approach it with levity and frivolity, the results will be meaningless. The kind of ritual that you are performing should be regarded as formal. Imagine yourself as a soldier guarding the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier in Arlington, Virginia. You must take this ritual seriously and with determination. Much of your ritual's effectiveness will derive from your formality and precision.
- Open the Circle
With your body and mind prepared, you are ready to create your circle. Take your left hand and place it behind your asshole and take a large poopie in your hand. Next you will form a circle with the giant log of poopie. If you have it in you, you may push out two smaller pieces of poopie logs so when you are forming your circle of poopie you can have two offshoots near where the poopie connects to itself. This is the demagorgon, it represents ignorance, superstition, and fear. Make sure you shout "THE CIRCLE IS NOW OPEN" so your parents do not disturb you during your ritual. With the circle open, you now have a place to practice magic safely away from the normality of your primary state of consciousness.
- Open the Gates
The gates are the symbolic representation between normality and magical consciousness. It's like a security blanket for you bitch niggas who need help going from your formal attitude of conducting the opening ritual of placing your poopie circle on the ground into a more receiving attitude to convene with the divine. There are many ways you can open the gates, and many gates you can open. I like to imagine myself making a wedge with my hands, pinky to pinky with palms facing myself and chopping my poopie circle in half and smearing it across the floor as I open my hands in each direction.
- Invocation to the Powers
After your gates are open, and shit sufficiently smeared across your imaginary floor, you then chant some gay shit like "
Tipheret Al Yesod Le Or Rosh Hashanah Tipheret Or Malkhut" and biblical angels or demons start talking to you and help you with your problems. To conclude the invocation, you must pee-pee all over your poopie circle.- Dismissal of Powers
Look at your poopie and thank it, dismiss the demons or whatever you summoned with your poopie and pee-pee. Close your gates. Close your circle with a "THE CIRCLE IS NOW CLOSED" vocalization. Look at your rebus of bodily fluids. You are now enlightened.
-
I and my poopie circle of Ayurvedic adherents will meticulously incorporate these instructions, ad finitum. Will report back with results, post haste.
