Unfulfilled sexual dreams and desires causing extreme depression?
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I mean "can't sleep, can't work, can't leave the house, can't even do a fking laundry" level of depresion.
I gave up on all other dreams and desires, the lack of their fulfillment doesn't bother me anymore. I don't even want them fulfilled. But this one just doesn't go away. Every time I see a person that's my type, it is like having a blade pushed through my stomach.
This sounds like very unreasonable thing to say. But analyzing my own thought patterns, and the brief periods in history when I had my sexual dreams and desires fulfilled, I'm wondering whether this deficiency can wreak a havoc worse than any vitamin or mineral deficiency can ever wreak?
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@BearWithMe Sadly, I feel the same way. What has helped me a bit is going into the city where there are a lot of women who are my type it gives me some sense of sanity and relief. But for me, the desire only really settles when I experience constant, unrelenting lust from women; the moment they stop, even for a second, I start feeling insecure wondering if I said something wrong, or if I pushed them off my trail, and so on. I guess this is just something one has to live with and try to suppress by spending time with friends more often. By the way, taking butea superba or other DHT/oxytocin raising substances usually makes this anguish feel even stronger
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@BearWithMe real.
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@BearWithMe sometimes, even milkshakes and quesadillas cant protect you from the horrors
why arent you getting the attention you want do you think? chopped?
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@BearWithMe said in Unfulfilled sexual dreams and desires causing extreme depression?:
I mean "can't sleep, can't work, can't leave the house, can't even do a fking laundry" level of depresion.
I gave up on all other dreams and desires, the lack of their fulfillment doesn't bother me anymore. I don't even want them fulfilled. But this one just doesn't go away. Every time I see a person that's my type, it is like having a blade pushed through my stomach.
This sounds like very unreasonable thing to say. But analyzing my own thought patterns, and the brief periods in history when I had my sexual dreams and desires fulfilled, I'm wondering whether this deficiency can wreak a havoc worse than any vitamin or mineral deficiency can ever wreak?
cant leave the house lvl of depression, no, longer to fall as sleep, and less deep sleep, yes.
yes not doing what you want to do, or tending to it, can limit your energy, well being, and health, best case scenario the unfullfillment of what you want give you the drive to do what you deem necessary to attain it.
if you you think about having relations with certains womens as a "dream" then you are likely not in a state where you would be mutually beneficial to her, optimally, you should at least reach a state of energy where you don't consider the girl to be so much better than you and dont consider her a dream, before talking to her.
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@user2 Having sexual dreams is not the same thing as having a "dream girl". You are mixing up two unrelated concepts.
Sexual dream can for example be some dark BDSM stuff, like degrading and enslaving your partner and stuff like that. An opposite of having a "dream girl". I'm not saying this is my sexual dream (it is not), just trying to illustrate the difference
Demanding certain qualities from your partner and holding them to high standard is also not the same thing as having a "dream girl". Almost an opposite, too.
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@samson said in Unfulfilled sexual dreams and desires causing extreme depression?:
why arent you getting the attention you want do you think? chopped?
Probably because I have a wife that is as perfect as woman can possibly be. She is good looking, very kind personality-wise and we have plenty of good sex. I love her, but she is not my body type.
She is not the obstacle, though. She would be open to non-exclusive relationship. I'm the obstacle.
On intellectual level, I know how silly and unreasonable it is to waste my energy and time to have sex with different women.
On an emotional level, the lack of sex with other women drives me nuts.
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@BearWithMe said in Unfulfilled sexual dreams and desires causing extreme depression?:
@user2 Having sexual dreams is not the same thing as having a "dream girl". You are mixing up two unrelated concepts.
Sexual dream can for example be some dark BDSM stuff, like degrading and enslaving your partner and stuff like that. An opposite of having a "dream girl". I'm not saying this is my sexual dream (it is not), just trying to illustrate the difference
Demanding certain qualities from your partner and holding them to high standard is also not the same thing as having a "dream girl". Almost an opposite, too.
I'm not mixing anything up, I used the word “dream” in its most common sense. Your post didn't imply a dream during sleep, it implied a dream while awake. In most cases, when someone uses the word “dream” to talk about something everyday, they are talking about something they consider difficult to accomplish, even impossible, and that they cannot do right away. Thinking this way about a woman implies that the person is not in an adequate energetic state to talk to this woman and be mutually beneficial. The common word for talking about specific sexual desires that not everyone appreciates is not “dreams” but ‘fantasies’ or “fetishes.”
your first message does not imply anything about "Demanding certain qualities from your partner and holding them to high standard".
so if by sexual dreams, you mean fantaisies/fetiches, improving energy enough reduce most fantaisies beside basic missionary. exept diet, i suggest reduce/eliminate porn if you do watch it, and lower emf exposure if it is not already the case, both can contribute to the problems you mentionned
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@BearWithMe said in Unfulfilled sexual dreams and desires causing extreme depression?:
@samson said in Unfulfilled sexual dreams and desires causing extreme depression?:
why arent you getting the attention you want do you think? chopped?
Probably because I have a wife that is as perfect as woman can possibly be. She is good looking, very kind personality-wise and we have plenty of good sex. I love her, but she is not my body type.
She is not the obstacle, though. She would be open to non-exclusive relationship. I'm the obstacle.
On intellectual level, I know how silly and unreasonable it is to waste my energy and time to have sex with different women.
On an emotional level, the lack of sex with other women drives me nuts.
aint silly at all to have sex with different women, all depend what you want and what these women want
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@user2 This is actually a question I'm asking myself. Whether my preference is a fetish caused by pathological state of body and/or mind, or a high standard I'm holding for a sexual partner. I don't know. It could be both.
This uncertainty is another big obstacle that prevents me from pursuing my dreams.
Your posts are super super useful, thank you very much
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@BearWithMe said in Unfulfilled sexual dreams and desires causing extreme depression?:
@user2 This is actually a question I'm asking myself. Whether my preference is a fetish caused by pathological state of body and/or mind, or a high standard I'm holding for a sexual partner. I don't know. It could be both.
This uncertainty is another big obstacle that prevents me from pursuing my dreams.
Your posts are super super useful, thank you very much
I suggest that the best thing to do is to be in /reach the highest well being and energy state you know, and from that state, if you still want those things, follow your instincts and obtain/do those things, as long as they do not directly cause harm to an innocent person,and you feel better afterward
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@user2 It seems impossible not to form any bond during sex, even when both parties are open about their intentions and agreed serious relationship is not on the table. Creating some broken hearts is almost inevitable, no?
I can imagine some people spend the rest of their lives looking for the same kind of person they had casual sex with, never to be happy in any relationship again
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@BearWithMe
I think you're creating your own problem then. -
@BearWithMe said in Unfulfilled sexual dreams and desires causing extreme depression?:
@user2 It seems impossible not to form any bond during sex, even when both parties are open about their intentions and agreed serious relationship is not on the table. Creating some broken hearts is almost inevitable, no?
i dont know
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@user2 What exactly do you mean by not directly causing a harm?
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@BearWithMe said in Unfulfilled sexual dreams and desires causing extreme depression?:
@user2 What exactly do you mean by not directly causing a harm?
i meant overall in life, as long as something doesnt harm any innocent, and make you feel better, it is good
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@BearWithMe said in Unfulfilled sexual dreams and desires causing extreme depression?:
@user2 It seems impossible not to form any bond during sex, even when both parties are open about their intentions and agreed serious relationship is not on the table. Creating some broken hearts is almost inevitable, no?
I can imagine some people spend the rest of their lives looking for the same kind of person they had casual sex with, never to be happy in any relationship again
Going by the many accounts I know of, at least one person almost always grows attached and inevitably gets hurt, but it’s not impossible not to, especially for those who are detached from their emotions. There will always be that energy exchange, though, even if not consciously aware of it. If someone spends the rest of their life looking for the same kind of person they had casual sex with, never to be happy in any relationship again, perhaps what they are really in search of is how they felt about themself when they were with that person so they are actually in search of that version of themself? You say your wife is as perfect as a woman can possibly be and list the many qualities that make her so, but how do you feel about yourself? Do you genuinely like yourself, feel proud of who you are and the life you’ve created? One thing that really stood out to me in your OP is that you mentioned giving up on all other dreams.
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@Jennifer Very interesting take, thank you very much.
I gave up on my other dreams because I realized they are not worth pursuing, not because I feel unable to achieve them. It was liberating. Like leaving a hamster wheel. But it left me with no dreams except for a dream of better world for future generations, and a dream of having sex with specific kind of women.
I'm extremely happy about and proud of the current version of myself. I wish my efforts translated to a little more financial succes, but I know I'm doing the right thing and making this world a slightly better place. If my fate is to die poor, so be it. Definitely better than doing a job that's well paid, but doesn't contribute anything substantial to this world. That being said, I suspect my financial situation will improve soon.
Also I realize I still have a long way to go on a path to being a better person, but I'm verry happy with my progress so far
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@BearWithMe, gotcha. I’m glad to hear that you are proud of the current version of yourself. Would you say you are in good health? Since we’re talking specifically about sexual desires, would you say your health in that area is ideal, i.e., orgasms are intense/fully satisfying and as satisfying with your wife as it was in the past with the women who are your type physically? Ray talked about excess estrogen leading to an insatiable sex drive, due to unsatisfying orgasms so just trying to help you rule out a pathological state/hormonal imbalance as the cause.
