Went for a walk to the library today. It felt good to walk, but I grew more and more depressed as I kept walking. Trash everywhere, poor people everywhere, sub-humans everywhere, closed shops everywhere. Kind of forgot about it when I started reading.

I felt like I was about to cry when I was nearing home. No future, no opportunities, constant poverty. I still want to annihilate everything, but I also want to fight for a just cause. Sadly, there's no such thing where I live. Ray's works on learned helplessness bogled my mind. I don't want to just die, I want to fight.

It feels like I've been fighting for my own life all this time. All this effort can't be in vain...

@peatlegal Sadly not...but there is an university cursus that would allow me to study and learn Japanese. It's 1 300 euros though, so I would need to work to be able to join this class. Good reason to try harder to find a job...

Thanks for the info on Progesterone ! I'll try to buy some when I get the money, since I suppose I'll have to pay a crazy tax fee to pay customs...

Going back on the needed mindset to improve/setting goals.

I didn't say it in my original post, but I've been learning Japanese for two weeks now in autodidact with a book. I have to say that after today's session, I feel good. I'm really glad to have held on on learning a new language despite the mental state in which I was in (I'm still far from being in a really good state of mind, but I already kind of feel better) . Now, thinking about the satisfaction I get after finishing a lesson and its exercices is one of the things that really keeps me going.

Thanks for the insights samson ! I'll read the articles you've sent me.

Hahaha yeah I remember the story about the old Ray Peat Forum...shame that charlie started to push some kind of vitamin A/low-toxin diet right after Peat's death. He even banned any one saying that his views were wrong right ? Horrible, horrible man...

Sorry if I keep messing up the "reply" and "quotes" functions, I'm still not used to the U.I of this website...

@samson Thanks for answering

I live in Europe ! What does cynomel do to support the body ? I don't know much about progesterone, wouldn't it be kind of dangerous to take it just like that, without knowing what I really have ? People on my topic have been talking about hypothyroid, or guts/liver/gallblader issues...I'll look into what progesterone is, and what it can do for me. Many thanks.

Alright, thanks Corngold.

I've listened to very little Wagner in the past, in fact, "Tannhauser Ouverture" is the only work I know from him. I'll look into him.

I also have to add that my skin felt clearer this morning. I don't know if the carrot salad and the orange juice that could be the reason for it, but I suppose it is since it's the only change of diet I've had in the last few days.

My skin is still peeling at some places though, from my cheeks to my brow ridge. I don't think I've seen Peat say anything about skin peeling, but I don't know Aajonus considered this to be a sign of detoxification. Now, I'm not a "just eat real food bro !" advocate, but if skin peeling in the face correlate to gut/liver health, I guess I really have a problem in there. Will try to get my hands on Harleem oil, T3, bamboo shoots as Mauritio said.

@Corngold Thank you for answering !

Hahaha niiice didn't expect a Nails fan to be here ! I've grown really, REALLY fond of Kickback too, with other bands like Hatebreed, Impartial Dismemberment, Tomb Filler...

In the last 3 days, I've completely cut listening to hardcore/metal. If I want to listen to music, I only listen to classical music, ambient, or high-tempo music like Eurobeat, ParaPara, nightcore...this kind of thing...

@gg12 Thank you for your answer.

Sleep apnea ? Wouldn't one of the symptoms of this be me waking up at night ?

I feel decently energized when I'm waking up in the morning, I just so happen to hold my breath during the day, when I'm awake and doing anything (groceries, reading, surfing the web, training...).

I'll still try to check if I have sleep apnea. Many thanks.