binge eating
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@Tarzan17, I’m very sorry for what you’re experiencing, but please know that it’s a completely normal response to malnutrition. Imagine taking a starving refugee to an all you can eat buffet and expecting them to show restraint. You’re not helpless, you’re wise for heeding your body’s demands for much needed nutrition. I’ve never suffered from anorexia, but I grew up with a parent who did and I myself was once malnourished. In my 20s, my weight plummeted to 67 lb due to undiagnosed thyroid disease so I empathize with that need for nourishment, yet anxiety surrounding food because of the pain experienced from requiring such large quantities. I had what some might label a binge eating disorder, but I see it as my body’s intelligence at work saving my life. I unknowingly was experiencing such rapid bone loss that one day, while lifting half a watermelon, my spine collapsed. Within seconds I had fractured 12 vertebrae, 8 of which compressed, leaving me 4” shorter, disabled and in the most unimaginable pain for years. The bottomless pit that was my stomach during that time, and my feelings of isolation, though, painful to experience, were completely valid.
To ease your discomfort, have you tried a gentle refeeding approach where you sip on beverages such as sugared milk all throughout the day and have 3 main meals or have mini meals (300–400 calories) every 1 to 2 hours until you’ve gained enough weight for the extreme hunger to subside? My energetic debt was so large that even as a tiny female, I ate upwards of 10,000 calories a day, and if I had it to do all over again, I would get a large portion of my calories from liquids, instead of solid food. My digestion couldn’t keep up and I landed in the hospital. Refeeding syndrome is one of the many reasons why I’m in favor of inpatient treatment whenever possible.
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3,000 used to be a typical cal requirement 100 years ago
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@Jennifer I’m really sorry you went through that… I’m just not sure I have the same excuse as you to be eating the way I do. Eating to points where I cant digest well feels like it’s stressing my body way more than it is nourishing it… and the psychological implications of my binges are just terrible… i feel so disgusting… and ashamed… and weak… and I can’t stand the idea of living for the following hours… so there’s no way what I’m doing is good for me… eating should make me feel nourished… take me out of the stress state… not push me deeper into it… ive binged on a near nightly basis for the past month and ive never felt worse… in all aspects… the physical discomfort is ruining my sleep… it’s preventing me from trying to do anything enjoyable… whatever my healing my body is trying to achieve with this animalistic behavior is just really backfiring…
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@BroJonas Yeah but people were so much more active too… I cant justify eating that much for myself… Meal time used to feel so incredibly rewarding for me after long days at school, football practice, tennis practice, and just any other physical endeavors that were regular parts of my life… now I feel live like an absolute slob relative to how I used to live and I always always feel guilty eating… i wish i could fast like i used to but my willpower is so trash i always cave… I just wish i could stop thinking about food… this is stupid i know
im just hoping i die soon and all this ends… because im so hopeless about it all… -
@Tarzan17 said in binge eating:
@Jennifer I’m really sorry you went through that… I’m just not sure I have the same excuse as you to be eating the way I do. Eating to points where I cant digest well feels like it’s stressing my body way more than it is nourishing it… and the psychological implications of my binges are just terrible… i feel so disgusting… and ashamed… and weak… and I can’t stand the idea of living for the following hours… so there’s no way what I’m doing is good for me… eating should make me feel nourished… take me out of the stress state… not push me deeper into it… ive binged on a near nightly basis for the past month and ive never felt worse… in all aspects… the physical discomfort is ruining my sleep… it’s preventing me from trying to do anything enjoyable… whatever my healing my body is trying to achieve with this animalistic behavior is just really backfiring…
Thank you :), but I’m not sorry I went through that. I’m just sorry it took that to realize what I’m made of. The physical discomfort is why I suggested liquid calories or mini meals throughout the day. May I ask, when you had anorexia as a teen, did you get help for it? Because with thoughts like “disgusting,” “ashamed,” “weak,” “slob,” “feel guilty eating,” “I wish I could fast like I used to,” “hoping I die,” it sounds like you either never fully recovered from it or you’ve relapsed. At your height and weight, it makes sense that your appetite is insatiable, and given your history with anorexia, it makes sense that you think fasting is the answer. The loss of control one with a history of disordered eating experiences while restoring their weight can feel like too much to bear, which is another reason why I’m in favor of getting the support of someone who specializes in ED recovery.
I understand how uncomfortable refeeding is, not just physically—I was hospitalized for the chronic vomiting my sumo training caused :D—but mentally and emotionally, as well. I actually contemplated ending my life. What got me through it was channeling my pain and anxiety into a self-love practice. Having my back no matter what meant I deserved better than beating myself up and suicide so instead of taking my frustration out on myself, I took it out on my mattress and dance floor—Foo Fighters’ Best of You was my jam. And just to put things into perspective, even with your nightly binges, you only have 11 lb over me. I’m weight restored at 99 lb, much shorter than you, a woman so I naturally carry less muscle than a man, and average 2,700 calories a day. The men in the Minnesota Starvation Experiment averaged 3,200 prior to the experiment so 3,000 isn’t a lot, especially for an athlete trying to restore their weight because once an athlete always an athlete, right?
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@Tarzan17 I'll add a few details to Jennifer's mention of the Minnesota experiment.
On top of the fact that the caloric requirement for sedentary 160 lb males aged 20-30 was 3200-3300 calories a day.
These were sedentary males.
Gyms didn't exist back then.
Jogging a lap around the block would get the cops called and a footnote in the papers.
These men were not working in a warehouse. They were standing in labs all day, and pound for pound, consumed way more than what I, a 200 lb man, has consumed since highschool, including during my blue collar jobs.
I can look at how my grandparents ate, whilst living sedentary office job lives. They practiced way lower physical caloric expenditure than the average person today.
Calorie burning wasn't considered a good thing, just a requirement of the underclasses in this life.My grandpa passed in his 90s, also driving alone until his early 90s, my grandma passed in her 80s, after going on statins.
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@Jennifer Yeah I did relapse… I wish I believed I am still the athlete I used to be… but there is absolutely nothing to convince me of that… in fact, ive changed so much not just in terms of athleticism but also in personality over the years that I feel like i have completely dissociated from the person I used to be.. it literally feels like that person has died…
I also wish I knew someone like you in my life… because I’m pretty hopeless about getting over this… especially on my own… like I read your messages and they’re great… it’s all great… but I still don't know what to do…. maybe it’s silly to expect to be spoon-fed a stepwise plan I can follow and also have trust in the process… but yeah i dont know what I’m getting at to be honest. Getting help from a specialist in ED recovery wont be possible for me given my circumstances (uni student, overseas, no insurance that would cover it or enough money to fund it etc… ) Thank you nonetheless… maybe time will heal… maybe it wont… either way… life will end at some point… and ill just try to bear with however uncomfortable that may be…
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@LetTheRedeemed Thank you for your message. I guess it helps a little with perspective to know things like that about.
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@Tarzan17 For instance… I managed to refrain from bingeing tonight… first time in the last 2 weeks.., but im at around 1250 cals for the day… it obviously doesn’t feel right … and im really hungry… and im fantasizing about food… especially food i can probably never allow myself to enjoy again… just because i know how how metabolically damaging they can be (oh to eat a donut.. or some fries) … but this sure beats going to bed bloated and uncomfortable and guilty… and ill just go to bed now and hopefully sleep through it.., and feel better having breakfast tmrw… what’s scary though, is how aware I am of what these days eventually lead up to… another uncontrollable binge… it’s only a matter of when… and that’s terrifying because life turns into hell when that happens …
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Dang brotha, you’re hardly eating, when there’s so much good food you could eat in the Peaty paradigm!
Icecream, tacos, enchiladas, substitute rice noodles for wheat noodles…
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@LetTheRedeemed I know i just never seem to enjoy things i try to for myself for some reason… because im always holding back when im involved in the making of my food… also… i don’t necessarily intentionally restrict my calories that low… my disordered eating aside… it’s because im so bloated and constipated all the time… that makes it so hard for me to eat throughout the day… like… for example… despite eating that little… im up in the middle of the night right now (woke up from my sleep) because how uncomfortably bloated I am… my intestines feel so swollen (feel so tender when pressed with my fingers), i feel so backed up my throat feels constricted…. i have that ‘about to vomit’ feeling but never do… sorry if this is tmi but it’s even difficult for me to pass gas let alone a bowel movement… and this is just another major reason it’s impossible for me to eat more while feeling this way.
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@Tarzan17 dang man I'm sorry.
maybe a temporary therapeutic protein source replacing regular protein, like egg whites or potato juice, and lower stress carbs like lower fructose juices/fruits. I know you already know that knowing what foods you react to helps a lot here.
I would start pretty quickly on any gut cleansing action you can get your hands on.
if constipated, try good source of cascara sagrada. if diarrhea, try oatbran.
Try Introducing small amounts of well boiled white button mushrooms for antibacterial effects.Try introducing small amounts of aspirin (with 1:1 ratio of baking soda dissolved in it + vit K, and glycine due to aspirin depletion). This really helps heal the gut.
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@Tarzan17 Likely nobody here is qualified to deal with treating those with eating disorders.
To me it sounds like your relationship with food is backwards. You have a right to live and a right to eat as much as you need. I don’t think people have ravenous appetites unless your body is in a low energy state.
Eating can be a chore but I DO NOT skip meals… ever. I cook and prepare meals all day constantly eating my meals. 3,000 cal a day for me. And I’m not extremely active. You have a right to eat, and restricting and fasting only lasts for so long. Your body tells you what it needs and it needs constant support from nutrition while you’re still alive and breathing.
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@Tarzan17 said in binge eating:
@Jennifer Yeah I did relapse… I wish I believed I am still the athlete I used to be… but there is absolutely nothing to convince me of that… in fact, ive changed so much not just in terms of athleticism but also in personality over the years that I feel like i have completely dissociated from the person I used to be.. it literally feels like that person has died…
I also wish I knew someone like you in my life… because I’m pretty hopeless about getting over this… especially on my own… like I read your messages and they’re great… it’s all great… but I still don't know what to do…. maybe it’s silly to expect to be spoon-fed a stepwise plan I can follow and also have trust in the process… but yeah i dont know what I’m getting at to be honest. Getting help from a specialist in ED recovery wont be possible for me given my circumstances (uni student, overseas, no insurance that would cover it or enough money to fund it etc… ) Thank you nonetheless… maybe time will heal… maybe it wont… either way… life will end at some point… and ill just try to bear with however uncomfortable that may be…
It’s not about athleticism or whether or not you identify as an athlete. An athlete isn’t born on a field. They’re born before they ever step foot on one. I’m a mountain climber and after my spine collapsed, I had to learn how to walk again. Doctors told me they would try to prevent my disease from getting worse, but I shouldn’t expect to get better so not liking others determining my fate, I said challenge accepted and I’m now climbing again. It took many years and many falls. Day after day, I found myself sitting in puddles of my own urine crying and beating myself up because I wasn’t stoic through it all. At times I wanted so badly to give up. I thought the girl who was petrified of heights but climbed scary things anyway was gone forever, but she wasn’t. She’s the one who got me back up every time I fell. Think of all the times you counted yourself out, but got back in the game. You will continue to get back in the metaphorical game because once an athlete always an athlete. Sport didn’t give you your grit, it just revealed to you you have it.
You’re currently in the thick of it so it’s understandable that you feel hopeless but believe it or not, you’ve already done the hardest part. You faced your truth. I’m sorry you’re not able to get support from someone who specializes in ED recovery, but you do know someone like me in your life—you. Like me, you have everything within you that you need to overcome this. Just remember that you weren’t designed to be perfect, but you were designed to get back up so keep getting back up. And remember to KISS—keep it simple sweetheart. Don’t fall into the trap of complicating your recovery. Consuming enough (easy to digest) food throughout the day should prevent the nighttime binging but initially, it will require that you fight the urge to restrict your calories the following day. You need to disrupt the cycle. If I had to do my recovery all over again, to prevent discomfort, I would have fruit juice, milk with sugar, ice cream and salty gelatinous broth throughout the day until my digestion improved and I could have more dense meals.
You’ve got this, Tarzan. I believe in you.
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@Tarzan17 It may help to understand addiction thru a Peaty perspective.
It really comes down to low dopamine and elevated serotonin.
Heal the liver and you'll be surprised what might happen.
