@babou
Day 8 may 30
3 pm
10 mg dht, 10 drops pansterone, 4 drops preg, 6 drops progesterone.
Dmso taste very noticeable in mouth. Sinuses actually cleared instead of clogged in response. Libido has been high all day, will see if that changes.
330 - feeling mentally alert, energized, motivated. Sense of time moving slightly slower.
Slight shakiness in left hand noticeable.
350: wondering if I haven't been getting maximum benefit due to cholesterol lowering with supps, esp thyroid, plus eating less fat than usual - in past a large source of both fat and protein for me has been cooked eggs, lately I get more protein from dairy and shrimp since eggs are no longer very appetizing to me, which I suspect indicates slight sensitivity to allergens in the whites. Just took 2 raw egg yolks. Stomach slightly bothered for like 10 mins.
430 - went to park for sunny barefoot walk. On drive over, enjoyed aggressive music. I strongly favored aggressive music in my teen years but in last few years began favoring more chill, ambient, or instrumental music. When pulling into parking lot, spontaneous feeling of optimism and confidence surfaced in the form of a quick idle fantasy of actually becoming a fighter pilot.
During walk, feeling at peace and joyful.
Go to mall afterwards, extremely strange occurrence:
Apparently the mall was closed but the gate into the mall from the attached Target store wasn't shut so I wandered in. There were a couple like teens or young guys or something also around this entrance area and a mall cop corralling people out acting pretty exasperated about it. He's just saying "malls closed guys" And one of the "youths" says "shut your bitch ass up that's like the tenth time you've said it" and that got me angry, uncharacteristically so. So I turn around and because I'm heated I didn't think through what to say or enunciate well and what came out was "bro you're really gonna be a little faggot to the mall cop like that?" But I don't know who specifically said it to him because I was on my way out the door and the commotion was behind me. Anyway the the person closest to me when I said it was like a fat 13-15 year old and he thought I was talking to him directly and I don't even know if I was because I don't know who said it, but he looked scared and confused, and now looking back logically it was probably the older lankier dudes further behind us. I felt very bad and guilty about essentially calling a probably innocent kid a faggot. This whole episode was kind of rattling to me after I left because I am habitually a very chill personable guy. Since everyone was gone before I processed what I said or would be able to apologize I donated 20 bucks to the local homeless shelter as kind of a sacrifice as I do believe roughly in some kind of accountability to the Gods for justice and virtue.
I believe this is something I would not have done if I was not taking DHT and it's very interesting to observe how hormones change things about our behavior that we habitually attribute to an abstract and fairly immutable personality. I also think I wouldn't have felt as guilty if the person who caught my remark was older and I was more certain of their guilt and I feel I might have even escalated if they engaged. However even if the kid was the one who said that shit to the mall cop it would still be unbecoming and irresponsible for an adult to speak like that to a minor and it's concerning that my better judgment was suspended like that. Maybe that's just par for the course when you're trying to recreate the hormonal environment of youth or adolescence though.