Hating everything everywhere all at once
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Hey everyone, hope you're doing great.
I'm posting this here since I think it's kind of a medical problem, and I can't get an appointment with a doctor in my country because there are none left.
It started in late december/early january, when I had a whole week of anger, despair and a huge feeling of impotentcy (not sexually, but I'll come back on that later).
I didn't have a lot of sun in my area, almost equal to none. So i started supplementing 5000 UI of D3, then 10 000. Nothing changed.
I'm 20 years old, and I've been hating and pestering my environment for weeks now, and I'm conscious about it but I don't know how to change. It's the 27th, I've calmed down a bit, but I have no drive to do anything : I now hate eating (which was an activity I didn't really like from the start), I don't want to work, I don't care about money, I have no libido, I just want the world to explode and cause despair and suffering. This may sound edgy but I have no other way to say it. I also can't focus on reading something from my computer and books. I don't feel like I have brain fog though...my mind feels clear...I just have no drive.
I cconsume lots of dairy (milk, yoghourt, cheese), I often eat eggs, I cook my stuff with butter or olive oil, I eat lots of fruits... meat has been kind of dire recently, because it's expensive. For breakfast I often eat some fruits and/or cheese with bread, often with a glass of milk. Sometimes it's just one tangerine because even though I'm hungry, I don't want to eat.
I sometimes have mood swings where I feel like everything is going to be alright but then I plunge back into hate right after telling myself that.
Physical information about me : I've been skinny my whole life, I have a small frame, I'm 182cm (5'9), I have thick eyebrows that can connect into one if I don't take care of it. I weight between 75 (165.35 lbs) and 70 kilos (154.32 ).
I often do push-ups, pull-ups, and abs at home.
IN SHORT : I've been in a constant state of anger and hatred for a full month, hating everything (including basic human activites), with mood swings along with no sexual drive or desire to exist. Behaving like one of the gothics from South Park.
Thank you to everyone who would be so keen to help me, I really feel lost.
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@IkeIkeforever Sounds like liver/ gallbladder issues. Have you tried the carrot salad or other fibers?
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I've also been listening to lots of negative and harsh music in the past month.
Hardcore, Deathcore, or albums like "Abandon all life" by Nails.I started listening to anime openings and I feel better already, if it can help in any way.
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@Mauritio Thank you very much for answering !
No, I haven't tried it...I used to eat it a few years ago, "scrapped" by its length along with some coconut oil. I'll make me some again !
I don't know what are this forum's (or yours, Mauritio) thoughts about iridology, but I just checked the diagram and both of my eyes have this brown shade both around my iris(es ?)
So carrot salad would help cleaning it up ? Anything else I should know besides Ray Peat's famous dish ?
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@IkeIkeforever there's a lot of other things that can help with liver/gallbladder issues: fat soluble vitamins , T3, Haarlem oil, bamboo shoots, FXR agonists ,...
Your issue might also be spiritual, meaning you took in the wrong "spirit". What spirit that is, is not hard to see reading your post.
You listening to a more wholesome music bettering your moodswings reflects on that . Try reading, or listening to more holy music or stuff . Doesn't have to be Christian but something more pure... that makes a difference.Cut out unnecessary instant -gratification things . It will be painful at first, but when your dopamine receptors recover you will feel the peace
ļø. As Marcus Aurelius said:
" If you seek tranquility, do less". -
@IkeIkeforever said in Hating everything everywhere all at once:
IN SHORT : I've been in a constant state of anger and hatred for a full month, hating everything (including basic human activites), with mood swings along with no sexual drive or desire to exist. Behaving like one of the gothics from South Park.
Sounds like it's in your gut. Are you regular and well formed right now?
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From what I am reading, your sugar intake is not very high (or consistent):
Sometimes it's just one tangerine because even though I'm hungry, I don't want to eat.
If I were you, I would increase sugar intake.
I often find that if I have some kind of downcast mood, a few glasses of orange juice treats that almost instantly. This often happens when I'm sucked into work and don't have time to eat much.
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@Rah1woot Agree. I'm sure there's a more technical/bioenergetic explanation for this, but I think when I have something nice and sweet it sends a reminder to my brain that life has nice, sweet things in it. Then the next thing it signals is oh, there will be more of these--that's something to look forward to. If I have an abundance of nice, sweet things, it tells my brain that life is full of abundant pleasures, and that I should stick around and remain curious. Then the next leap is to the beginnings of generosity. If the nice things are abundant, we can all have them. No scarcity mentality.
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@Mauritio I've grew up in a family that hated God and everything around Him. But I think I love God and I think God loves me.
Me listening to "brutal" music is really new, I started to listen to it november-december of last year. But I still showed symptoms of "simply not caring" prior to that in 2024. Otherwise I was really fond of high pitched music like nightcore or classical music. I love Gounod's mass for Saint Cecilia, and La Sportelle's "Which Ave Maria ?" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aStYg8abguA&list=PLLzVI3_F8ftGAAmP2qzgJPGSI4PszSXLe)
I don't think I'm engaging in a lot of instant gratification, I don't masturbate that much anymore since I don't have libido, and I don't really like mindless scrolling through apps like Instagram.
Still, I have to say thank you for your advice, I'll read more Bible.
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@ThinPicking Thank you for your answer !
Sorry, but I didn't really catch your question... right now it's 11:30pm, and I'm feeling fine. I ate 800g of HƤagen-Dazs, throughout the day, while my lunch consisted of soup and a "galette" (made with goat cheese, honey, and an egg).
I'm still kind of hungry though.
As for my body, I'm a really skinny guy, along with a small frame. I'm 182cm (5'9) tall, I have thick eyebrows that can connect into one if I don't take care of it. (I'm mentionning it because I believe it was Peat that said that thick eyebrows often reveal a quick metabolism). I weight between 75 (165.35 lbs) and 70 kilos (154.32 lbs). Have a lot of scars on my face due to pimples/shaving, and a lot of scars on my back (I believe due to the covid vaccine I was forced to take).
I never ate that much and was never fond of physical exercise since two years ago. I went through my puberty at home, during the covid lockdowns, without doing much sports or eating much (due to a low-income family).
IN SHORT : 182cm (5'9) tall skinny white man (165.35 lbs at most), lived through puberty without eating much and moving much due to the covid lockdown, with scars on my face, scars and pimples on my back (due to the covid vaccine I believe). Ate 800g of HaƤgen-Dazs today alongside normal hours meals (breakfast, lunch and dinner), I'm still hungry right now. Feeling okay and unbothered after chatting with online friends.
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@Rah1woot and @peatlegal thank you for your answers !
Thank you for the OJ advice Rah1woot, I'll buy myself some tomorrow and I'll juice it myself. Will try to drink at least one glass of fresh OJ per day.
Nice mentality peatlegal, I understand what you mean with the "no scarcity mentality". I grew up in a very frugal family, rarely asking for much more than what was necessary, along with a "never complain" mindset. I started to treat myself more with ice cream (since I love it) recently. I'll think about it.
Again, many thanks for all of your advices.
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I was trying to leave a reference to your bowel habits to the imagination. But it sounds as if you're feeling better.
At the times you're stuck in the space you described, are you by any chance constipated, irregular or other related thing.
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@IkeIkeforever It makes a huge difference to my mood and mental stability if Iām consuming edifying things. Musical can seriously destroy your spirit or send it soaring. Maybe get into more uplifting stuff for a while.
The other person who suggested the spiritual stuff is spot on I think.
Good luck, I said a prayer for you. -
Oops, sorry then ThinPicking, I didn't catch it.
No, I don't really have bowel problems when I'm feeling like that. Howerver, when I wake up I often have some kind of stomach/guts ache. Though I would say it's because I fall asleep on my tummy, it quickly goes away after I'm standing up.
When I'm in my "space", I feel bitter, sometimes with low energy, sometimes with high energy... it really depends.
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@Shar_to_the_dae Thank you very much for your answer.
Thank you for praying for me, I'll listen to more light-hearted music from now on.
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By the way @peatlegal, I used the "look forward to the good times" mentality today, and I have to say it really worked.
I was doing groceries in Lidl (an activity that I hate), and I went "Can't wait to get back home to press some oranges." Simple thoutght, but it really helped me to not be so bitter about everything and everyone in the store. I bought my stuff, went back home, and drank a small glass of hand-pressed orange juice. It felt nice.
Thank you for your advice.
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Also the first thing I did in the morning was grating a carrot and eating it. I felt more nourished than when I'm eating bread with jam or something like that. It also felt like I wasn't as fulled as hatred as usual. It's only the first day though, so I'll keep eating this to see the results in the long run.
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Was it Haidut that made a post about anger and aggression increasing when brain energy dips below a certain point. And high serotonin playing a major role in a loss of ATP in neurons
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@BroJonas Thank you for your answer !
I'm not very good on the topic of chemistry, but I think I've kind of understand the role of ATP after reading some of the wikipedia page.
I didn't know about it, thanks for telling me. Is there any way to maybe raise the rate of ATP my body is producing ? Or should I just quit doing stuff that often brings serotonin to a high level like sports ?
To avoid brain energy going down (which in my case, feels like it's almost down) the answer to that would simply be...more energy, right ?
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Also, I've just noticed this habit of mine, but I'm almost always holding my breath. I do it a lot...I suppose it's not good for a proper oxygenation of my body.
Could a lack of O2 be influencing my mood ? Or is me holding my breath without really noticing it more of a craving for CO2 ?
