Hating everything everywhere all at once
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@Mauritio I've grew up in a family that hated God and everything around Him. But I think I love God and I think God loves me.
Me listening to "brutal" music is really new, I started to listen to it november-december of last year. But I still showed symptoms of "simply not caring" prior to that in 2024. Otherwise I was really fond of high pitched music like nightcore or classical music. I love Gounod's mass for Saint Cecilia, and La Sportelle's "Which Ave Maria ?" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aStYg8abguA&list=PLLzVI3_F8ftGAAmP2qzgJPGSI4PszSXLe)
I don't think I'm engaging in a lot of instant gratification, I don't masturbate that much anymore since I don't have libido, and I don't really like mindless scrolling through apps like Instagram.
Still, I have to say thank you for your advice, I'll read more Bible.
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@ThinPicking Thank you for your answer !
Sorry, but I didn't really catch your question... right now it's 11:30pm, and I'm feeling fine. I ate 800g of Häagen-Dazs, throughout the day, while my lunch consisted of soup and a "galette" (made with goat cheese, honey, and an egg).
I'm still kind of hungry though.
As for my body, I'm a really skinny guy, along with a small frame. I'm 182cm (5'9) tall, I have thick eyebrows that can connect into one if I don't take care of it. (I'm mentionning it because I believe it was Peat that said that thick eyebrows often reveal a quick metabolism). I weight between 75 (165.35 lbs) and 70 kilos (154.32 lbs). Have a lot of scars on my face due to pimples/shaving, and a lot of scars on my back (I believe due to the covid vaccine I was forced to take).
I never ate that much and was never fond of physical exercise since two years ago. I went through my puberty at home, during the covid lockdowns, without doing much sports or eating much (due to a low-income family).
IN SHORT : 182cm (5'9) tall skinny white man (165.35 lbs at most), lived through puberty without eating much and moving much due to the covid lockdown, with scars on my face, scars and pimples on my back (due to the covid vaccine I believe). Ate 800g of Haägen-Dazs today alongside normal hours meals (breakfast, lunch and dinner), I'm still hungry right now. Feeling okay and unbothered after chatting with online friends.
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@Rah1woot and @peatlegal thank you for your answers !
Thank you for the OJ advice Rah1woot, I'll buy myself some tomorrow and I'll juice it myself. Will try to drink at least one glass of fresh OJ per day.
Nice mentality peatlegal, I understand what you mean with the "no scarcity mentality". I grew up in a very frugal family, rarely asking for much more than what was necessary, along with a "never complain" mindset. I started to treat myself more with ice cream (since I love it) recently. I'll think about it.
Again, many thanks for all of your advices.
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I was trying to leave a reference to your bowel habits to the imagination. But it sounds as if you're feeling better.
At the times you're stuck in the space you described, are you by any chance constipated, irregular or other related thing.
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@IkeIkeforever It makes a huge difference to my mood and mental stability if I’m consuming edifying things. Musical can seriously destroy your spirit or send it soaring. Maybe get into more uplifting stuff for a while.
The other person who suggested the spiritual stuff is spot on I think.
Good luck, I said a prayer for you. -
Oops, sorry then ThinPicking, I didn't catch it.
No, I don't really have bowel problems when I'm feeling like that. Howerver, when I wake up I often have some kind of stomach/guts ache. Though I would say it's because I fall asleep on my tummy, it quickly goes away after I'm standing up.
When I'm in my "space", I feel bitter, sometimes with low energy, sometimes with high energy... it really depends.
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@Shar_to_the_dae Thank you very much for your answer.
Thank you for praying for me, I'll listen to more light-hearted music from now on.
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By the way @peatlegal, I used the "look forward to the good times" mentality today, and I have to say it really worked.
I was doing groceries in Lidl (an activity that I hate), and I went "Can't wait to get back home to press some oranges." Simple thoutght, but it really helped me to not be so bitter about everything and everyone in the store. I bought my stuff, went back home, and drank a small glass of hand-pressed orange juice. It felt nice.
Thank you for your advice.
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Also the first thing I did in the morning was grating a carrot and eating it. I felt more nourished than when I'm eating bread with jam or something like that. It also felt like I wasn't as fulled as hatred as usual. It's only the first day though, so I'll keep eating this to see the results in the long run.
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Was it Haidut that made a post about anger and aggression increasing when brain energy dips below a certain point. And high serotonin playing a major role in a loss of ATP in neurons
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@BroJonas Thank you for your answer !
I'm not very good on the topic of chemistry, but I think I've kind of understand the role of ATP after reading some of the wikipedia page.
I didn't know about it, thanks for telling me. Is there any way to maybe raise the rate of ATP my body is producing ? Or should I just quit doing stuff that often brings serotonin to a high level like sports ?
To avoid brain energy going down (which in my case, feels like it's almost down) the answer to that would simply be...more energy, right ?
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Also, I've just noticed this habit of mine, but I'm almost always holding my breath. I do it a lot...I suppose it's not good for a proper oxygenation of my body.
Could a lack of O2 be influencing my mood ? Or is me holding my breath without really noticing it more of a craving for CO2 ?
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@IkeIkeforever 182cm is 5 foot 11.7 inches (or 5.9 feet) but not 5 foot 9.
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@IkeIkeforever try to get 3 solid poops a day lol. know it sounds trite but having good gut motility really does wonders for the mind. cascara, carrot salad, thyroid supplementation all helped me with this. would probably help with the appetite too, you sound hypothyroid.
I doubt a doctor would give you any help, many people go to doctors with these kinds of "psychosomatic" issues and get laughed at to their face, or worse prescribed some sort of antidepressant.
you need to figure out some sort of vision for how you want your life to look in 5 years and find actionable steps you can take to achieve it. read rays work on learned helplessness, sounds like you have a pretty bad case. getting stronger, accumulating small wins in the gym can help with this is the short term.
Expect miracles and they will come!
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@IkeIkeforever sleep apnea get jaw surgery cut the tongue tie
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@IkeIkeforever said in Hating everything everywhere all at once:
Nails
Great band but yes, very angry stuff. Metal is so broad, there's a lot of other music out there too. Consider fruit and sugar to get energy up.
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@samson thanks for replying !
I go to the restroom I'd say 2-3 times a day, but my feces don't look that consistent. Last time I went they had this clear brown color, and didn't float. It's gross, but if it can help understanding my problem...
I'm on my third day of eating a carrot salad along with a glass of pressed orange juice for breakfast, and have to say that I feel better.
As for the thyroid supplementation, I had bought grass fed dessicated beef liver on nutriest.eu, since I've seen it promotes hair growth (and I wanted to have nice hair at some point). I've stop taking it since I didn't see any change, but it's apparently good for liver health. Nothing on thyroid though.
Do you have any supplementation recommandations ? The grass-fed beef thyroid on nutriest.eu is out of stock at the moment, so if you know of any other good brand/supplement, please let me know !
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And for what you said, about having a vision, it's really hard right now. I live in a place where there is simply no work. And even if I had one, I couldn't possibly buy a place for myself to live in, because the tarrifs are just too high. The best thing would be to get money while still living at my parent's house, but as I said, there's simply no work.
I keep responding to job offers, but now they won't even give me an answer. The offers are just there to make me sign up for temp companies. I keep calling to see if they need someone (I'm forklift certified !) and they always say "no, not for now". It's been like that for a year. I keep hoping for change, but as you've seen, I feel like I'm stuck in some kind of void.
I live in a poor neighborhood, filled with God-only-knows what nationalities the people I'm forced to live with are. There's constant violence, drug-dealing, etc, etc...
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@gg12 Thank you for your answer.
Sleep apnea ? Wouldn't one of the symptoms of this be me waking up at night ?
I feel decently energized when I'm waking up in the morning, I just so happen to hold my breath during the day, when I'm awake and doing anything (groceries, reading, surfing the web, training...).
I'll still try to check if I have sleep apnea. Many thanks.
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@Corngold Thank you for answering !
Hahaha niiice didn't expect a Nails fan to be here ! I've grown really, REALLY fond of Kickback too, with other bands like Hatebreed, Impartial Dismemberment, Tomb Filler...
In the last 3 days, I've completely cut listening to hardcore/metal. If I want to listen to music, I only listen to classical music, ambient, or high-tempo music like Eurobeat, ParaPara, nightcore...this kind of thing...
