Posts made by Tarzan17

@sneedful yeah it is cringe i am for sure brainwashed in some way… i dont know… im not so sure what the purpose of this post was… if im honest another reason i dont engage some times is because i really dislike myself… and i cant rid myself certain beliefs that fuel this really poor self esteem…

I feel so fucking lonely… but I bring this upon myself to some extent because of how uncomfortable I am in society (especially the uni community I’m in )… I cant relate with anyone around me nor do I share any interests or even values with those around me… so i never engage… by choice… because i dont want to with these people… not because I think im better, in fact i am extremely flawed… i just feel like most people are so brainwashed nowadays, plugged into ‘the system’…and good for them… most of these people seem quite comfortable in their existence but yeah … to them i’d just come off as crazy, ridiculous, inappropriate etc… i was just wondering if anyone experiences anything like this? feeling so lonely but ironically isolating yourself… when i see gatherings… or a bunch of students hanging out having a good time… i dont wish i was a part of that group… because im me and i know i wouldnt be interested… but at the same time… i long for meaningful human connection and interaction… i dont know what the point of this post is… but I’m just feeling incredibly alone at the moment and feel like the people who end up on this niche forum are possibly more like me than different…

@Jennifer
The thing is , the only ‘clean’ ice cream i have access to is haagen dazs and i can only afford to buy 2 one pint containers a week.
Also, yeah incredibly anxious about gaining weight it’s not so much the number on the scale… but more just poor body composition…

This might be silly to some… but I get very paranoid but everyone around me does and it just seems incredibly convenient. Is there any good reason to avoid heating milk by microwaving it?

@DavidPS In theory this makes sense, but ive tried this intentionally myself and
a)it’s very inconvenient to my lifestyle
b)my appetite is always better later in the day
c)eating so much in the morning just doesnt feel good because im stressed all day and dont feel like i can enter a parasympathetic mode to comfortably digest my food (i feel so much anxiety throughout the day because of all the work im supposed to get done… i find myself always waiting for sundown)
d) even when i try to eat more during the day… im never any less hungry in the evening… im just as hungry at night whether i had 2 to 3 square meals beforehand or barely had much…

@Mossy Yeah like you said, the issue with eating just fats and carbs and lots of them would prbbly be a disaster in terms weight gain

@Jennifer yeah, for some reason eating more during the day never seems to help my hunger at night. Ive intentionally tried this to see if id desire to eat even a little less at night… but no noticeable difference what so ever… and the problem with ice cream is that i would need A LOT of ice cream before i feel full… it’s not exactly a filling food i think my past habit of ‘volume eating’ has conditioned me to seek that physical ‘fullness’ sensation which is so hard to achieve with calorie dense easy to digest foods. But then your typical high volume foods aren’t exactly the friendliest on digestion (popcorn, yogurt with lots of fruit, certain veggies, smoothies to name a few)

im insatiable in the evening… and i always end up binge eating and really upsetting my gut and digestion and as a result get pretty poor sleep… i feel quite guilty that i keep uncontrollably making this mistake despite making it a goal not to

I was just wondering if anyone has some ideas of foods/meals that are safe to eat a large amount of in the evenings. I dont know why but i can never seem to achieve that ‘satisfied’ feeling post meal… its either ‘im still hungry’ or ‘i ate so much im so uncomfortable and wish i could throw up’

I cant seem to curb my hunger and want to replace my binges with things that would satisfy me, not irritate my gut, and not make me feel gross. I’d appreciate any input especially from those who’ve experienced something like this

@LetTheRedeemed I know i just never seem to enjoy things i try to for myself for some reason… because im always holding back when im involved in the making of my food… also… i don’t necessarily intentionally restrict my calories that low… my disordered eating aside… it’s because im so bloated and constipated all the time… that makes it so hard for me to eat throughout the day… like… for example… despite eating that little… im up in the middle of the night right now (woke up from my sleep) because how uncomfortably bloated I am… my intestines feel so swollen (feel so tender when pressed with my fingers), i feel so backed up my throat feels constricted…. i have that ‘about to vomit’ feeling but never do… sorry if this is tmi but it’s even difficult for me to pass gas let alone a bowel movement… and this is just another major reason it’s impossible for me to eat more while feeling this way.

@Tarzan17 For instance… I managed to refrain from bingeing tonight… first time in the last 2 weeks.., but im at around 1250 cals for the day… it obviously doesn’t feel right … and im really hungry… and im fantasizing about food… especially food i can probably never allow myself to enjoy again… just because i know how how metabolically damaging they can be (oh to eat a donut.. or some fries) … but this sure beats going to bed bloated and uncomfortable and guilty… and ill just go to bed now and hopefully sleep through it.., and feel better having breakfast tmrw… what’s scary though, is how aware I am of what these days eventually lead up to… another uncontrollable binge… it’s only a matter of when… and that’s terrifying because life turns into hell when that happens …

@LetTheRedeemed Thank you for your message. I guess it helps a little with perspective to know things like that about.

@Jennifer Yeah I did relapse… I wish I believed I am still the athlete I used to be… but there is absolutely nothing to convince me of that… in fact, ive changed so much not just in terms of athleticism but also in personality over the years that I feel like i have completely dissociated from the person I used to be.. it literally feels like that person has died…

I also wish I knew someone like you in my life… because I’m pretty hopeless about getting over this… especially on my own… like I read your messages and they’re great… it’s all great… but I still don't know what to do…. maybe it’s silly to expect to be spoon-fed a stepwise plan I can follow and also have trust in the process… but yeah i dont know what I’m getting at to be honest. Getting help from a specialist in ED recovery wont be possible for me given my circumstances (uni student, overseas, no insurance that would cover it or enough money to fund it etc… ) Thank you nonetheless… maybe time will heal… maybe it wont… either way… life will end at some point… and ill just try to bear with however uncomfortable that may be…

I just wonder when in the day it makes sense to consume more of what macronutrient. im finding nutrient timing a little confusing because I hear arguments on both sides for all the macros.

Carbs:
-our insulin sensitivity is better in the day than it is at night so consume more of your carbs earlier
-carbs provide energy which we need more during the earlier more active part of our day than at night (when we are way more sedentary) so avoid at night to prevent hyperactivity, restlessness prior to sleep
OR
-carbs help us relax and reduce physiological stress so they would help sleep therefore have more at night

Fats:
-slows digestion so consume more in the evening to allow steady supply of nutrients throughout the long fast overnight while we sleep
-promotes satiety so helps prevent hunger during sleep
OR
-slows digestion so consume less in the evening because prolonged digestion can disrupt sleep?

Protein:
-bigger servings of protein better to have in the day time because muscle protein synthesis response is better earlier
-high protein dinners impair sleep quality because they are harder to digest
OR
-high protein at night is preferable to promote satiety and provide steady stream of amino acids during long overnight fast while we sleep
-Higher protein meals take longer to digest, so better to have as the last meal of the day.

im sure im missing more arguments but im just so confused. I dont know when to have what.

Other more general arguments are,

-During the day, particularly days we are busy with tasks, we are in more of a sympathetic mode which is not a conducive state to be in to digest large amounts of food (big meals/harder to digest foods). So avoid large meals and eat/snack light until the evening where you can shift into more of a parasympathetic mode more conducive to ‘resting and digesting’ larger meals

OR

-large meals in the evening negatively affect sleep and so consume larger meals earlier in the day when our digestion ton is stronger and more efficient (ie. more gastic acid secretion, better nutrient partitioning) and our insulin sensitivity is higher. The whole ‘breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a pauper’ idea.

I know nothing beats listening to your body ‘perceiving, thinking, acting’… but personal struggles with some disordered eating has made me so out of touch with how my body feels… so it’s difficult for me to go with what ‘feels’ best because i noticed this is really impacted by my beliefs… this is why i seek some reliable physiological facts i could run off for a start
Any thoughts?

@BroJonas Yeah but people were so much more active too… I cant justify eating that much for myself… Meal time used to feel so incredibly rewarding for me after long days at school, football practice, tennis practice, and just any other physical endeavors that were regular parts of my life… now I feel live like an absolute slob relative to how I used to live and I always always feel guilty eating… i wish i could fast like i used to but my willpower is so trash i always cave… I just wish i could stop thinking about food… this is stupid i know im just hoping i die soon and all this ends… because im so hopeless about it all…

@Jennifer I’m really sorry you went through that… I’m just not sure I have the same excuse as you to be eating the way I do. Eating to points where I cant digest well feels like it’s stressing my body way more than it is nourishing it… and the psychological implications of my binges are just terrible… i feel so disgusting… and ashamed… and weak… and I can’t stand the idea of living for the following hours… so there’s no way what I’m doing is good for me… eating should make me feel nourished… take me out of the stress state… not push me deeper into it… ive binged on a near nightly basis for the past month and ive never felt worse… in all aspects… the physical discomfort is ruining my sleep… it’s preventing me from trying to do anything enjoyable… whatever my healing my body is trying to achieve with this animalistic behavior is just really backfiring…

@Jennifer im 5’7”

@Sugarnotsnow damn i’ve never come across anyone who could relate before… have you completely resolved this issue? if so how exactly did you manage to do so? or was it just a result of a natural progression/change in your life circumstances?

@Sugarnotsnow it’s honestly probably all 3 things you mentioned… ive been quite undernourished for the past year or so… lost a lot of weight… and never was overweight to begin with… im now ~110 pound 25yo male redeveloped some sort of disordered eating (i used to have anorexia when i was in my younger teens)… and also, i feel incredibly alone, not just physically but also psychologically, and find eating to be one of the few activities that fill that void i feel… so my meals often drag for over an hour and i would feel a bit lost if i cut my eating short…

i just never know when to stop eating… i feel so out of touch with my satiety signals… i either need to predetermine a limit to my meal (which leaves me wanting more and just waiting to have my next meal) otherwise i just keep eating until physical discomfort… i dont rmmber the last time i felt ‘satisfied’ after a meal … eating has become such a stressful experience for me

I’m just not sure if it’s a poor source of coffee and if it could be a contributor to my gut issues (there are so many factors in my current diet, it’s hard to parse out what’s causing irritation/bloating). or am i overthinking this?
I buy an organic brand. It’s cheap, incredibly convenient and tastes great when prepared with milk and sugar.

really struggling with binge eating lately… at every single meal it feels like the flood gates are about to open and i need to hold myself back… just so i dont suffer the consequences…

but lately it’s been harder to control and i go on 2 hour long eating sprees where i cant stop myself from eating… consume literally everything in site… and cant stop until im in physical pain… i end up with so much digestive discomfort… terrible sleep… and experience really bad mental health because of it… i try to give my digestive system a break to heal by eating light and sooner or later… another binge

i just feel really helpless and dont know how to address this